"And it only cost $60!!!!!!"

My mother had inevitably figured out which hairstyle to wear, and began her packing for the big reunion.
She is always one for a party or ball, so she packed 5 of her favorite formal dresses she bought from the second hand store for $1 each. Never mind that her reunion was a BBQ in the park, my mother was going to look like a damn royal princess. I am sure she also envisioned arriving on a flower covered float, standing and waving in the fashion of, "elbow-elbow, wrist-wrist, wipe a tear and blow a kiss." Either that or a convertible, so she could be chauffeured while sitting on the back with her hair blowing in the wind. People would stop whatever they were doing, jaws would drop, and everyone would start chanting her name and saying how beautiful she was. My mother would then get on her megaphone (not that she needed one) and tell them, "You may all go back to eating your cake and appetizers on toothpicks. As you were."

But there was still one fundamental particle missing to her scheme. She still did not have a way to get to this reunion several states away.
My mother rummaged the Craigslist ads, leaving no stone unturned for a rideshare across the country. She saw an ad by a mother traveling with her daughter for a toddler pageant, one with someone moving down South in a Uhaul, and one with a couple of Hispanic male criminals. She was naturally attracted to the ad by the Hispanic criminals and wanted to ensure equal opportunity by choosing the minorities, but she figured she'd call all of them first to make sure they were legit.
The mother-daughter pageant goers sounded like a fun trip, so my mom met up with them in person. However, sitting across the table from them at the park, she was dry heaving and choking on the gallons of "Unbreakable" by Khloe and Lamar the woman had bathed herself in like a French whore. There was no way my mother could endure a trip in enclosed chambers across the country when she was this deathly allergic to the woman's cologne. Not to mention the Virginia Slims the woman couldn't put down.
So my mom called the movers who were offering a ride. Turns out she would've had to ride in the back of the truck with the cargo. She told them she would consider it, but she thought she'd call the Hispanics to see what they had to offer.
She called the Hispanics and decided to meet up with them, to do her own sort of interview. As she watched the two Hispanic males climb out of their car and walk over to her, reality dove into slow motion and the theme song to Miami Vice began to play. She saw their ripped jeans, scruffy bodies, piercings and tattoos and immediately knew it was fate for her to ride with these men. Then they gave her a price she could not refuse.  She left me a voicemail with a description of the vehicle and the men just in case I didn't hear from her again.  She didn't know their names, but she was pretty sure at least one of them was named Jose.

My mother called me when she arrived to her destination, told me the details and with glee announced, "And it only cost $60!!!!" Never mind it could have cost her her life, my mother would never turn down such an opportune deal.